Yesterday, August 15, 2010 was the 63rd Anniversary of India’s Independence from 200 years of British rule. As an Indian, like everyone else I feel proud of this anniversary, as it marks a day in history, when “resolve” won over “might”.

This “Independence” we all have come to enjoy, now even taken for granted was won by paying price of thousands of lives over a span of 100 years. It took several generations of “Real Indians” to break free from the clutches of the “British Raj”. All the lives lost in this struggle for independence were focused on a single goal “Swaraj” or Self-Governance.

The famous names associated with this freedom movement which are known to most of the world, as M.K. Gandhi or “Gandhi”, Mr. J.L. Nehru or “Nehru”, Mr. Vallabhai Patel or “Sardar Patel” to name a few. The major force of this movement were the countless Indians who believed in the common vision, followed their leaders to achieve what seemed improbable at the time. Thousands of those unnamed Indians put their lives in harm’s way on streets, and in jails protesting or doing nothing during non-cooperation movement. They died dreaming of a day, when they will not have to answer to a foreign power, when there will be rule of law, justice, and equality for all. Their singular vision for India’s Independence was the driving force for them to pay the ultimate price, their own life in achieving this goal for themselves and their future generations.

Fast forward 63 Years, now we’re that future generation, living that invaluable dream, paid for by the unwavering resolve, blood, sweat and tears of a lost generation. Though, this day is currently celebrated as a day of national pride, with superfluous pomp and vigor by almost every Indian, in all corners of the world, the real value of this independence is somewhat lost. On this day practically every Indian will feel a sense of pride flowing through their veins, like a rush of adrenalin the effect of which wears out within weeks, if not days.

We’ve become part of a system, which has made this day into a national holiday, nothing more. The official propaganda starts a few weeks in advance, contracts are awarded to vendors, official building are covered with a new coat of paint, draped with tri-color streamers, while national, political-party flags are hoisted on all important buildings/places of every town in the country. Billboards with congratulatory note from local and national leaders, brandishing the logo of the political party they belong to, sprung all over town. A brand new “Tri-Color” is hoisted on the morning of August 15^th with the rendition of “Jan Gan Man”, our national anthem and a 21-canon salute. The political leaders soon descend on the stages, dressed in “Khaadi” to deliver lofty speeches, remind the audience of the glorious past, and ultimately set the stage to push their respective political agendas, and how the opposition is ruining it all.

A few days pass, all the euphoria dies, the cheap glue in streamers gives up, torn out flags lie on the ground, clogging the drains, some baked into the asphalt with vehicles driving over them, people rushing passing by in their quest for livelihood. Soon they reach a decrepit stage, collected by the garbage truck to be dumped into a landfill. Then another 363 days pass by, and the cycle continues. With every passing year, we get farther and farther away from what it really signifies. Sadly, that’s the shelf life of “Patriotism” in modern India.

As far as I can remember, the routine on every August 15^th was simple. Though, it was a national holiday, we had to got to our school, dressed in our finest uniform, stand in neat lines in the assembly areas, sing the National Anthem, salute the flag, then receive a paper flag and some sweets, listen to a speech given by our school principal. Play around with friends till our parents picked us up. We go home, and play again, while the adults talk politics, sports, weather or whatever may be the news of the moment. We all enjoyed the freedom that August 15^th brought with it, a holiday, no studies, and no homework. We watched news of how the day was being celebrated all across India, then some historical programming, non-stop playing of patriotic songs over the radio. I’m not familiar with what the routine looks like now, but I can’t imagine it being much different.

Having being born in Free India, we did not witness any of the struggles, unlike my grandparents who grew up amidst the politically charged atmosphere.  Most of the information available to our generation (post independence) is through second-hand knowledge or through our textbooks in school, college and/or universities. As one of subject included in the realm of social studies, Indian and World History is part of the educational curriculum in schools all across India. Unfortunately, it often takes a backseat to physical sciences, mathematics, and technology. It’s treated as a subject that people need to just pass, in order to move on to more lucrative and vocational subjects. Due to this misguided notion, we end up retaining bits and pieces of information, and with time, only the significant information is left behind. Soon we forget everything, but the good, or glorious part. Rest just filters through over time, and is lost unless we make an attempt to revisit it. Seems like a stretch, try reciting the entire national anthem. How many do even remember the entire anthem?

Twice a year, on August 15^th and January 26^th, India celebrates Independence Day and Republic Day, respectively. Twice a year we’re all gung-ho about anything and everything Indian. I try to stay out of discussions on this day. I’ve always had mixed feelings about it, and I hold stance which not many Indians share, and that is “Every Indian Is Patriotic, but not all Indians are Nationalist”, and that is the Achilles’ heel for our country. Often, when I say this, the reactions are obviously heated, some suggest that I’ve lost it; some question my own sense of patriotism. Some just claim that there is no difference between the two!

Well, there is and I’m often hard-pressed to explain that nationalism depends on patriotism, not the other way round. Patriotism, by definition is a feeling of love and devotion to the country one is born in, and can be reflected in any number of ways. While, Nationalism is collective identity forged by the feeling of patriotism, free of language, race or religion for identification of an entity, much larger than it’s citizens, a Nation.

Patriotism is often a reaction to events or comments made against one’s country of birth (motherland), and are mostly projected towards a foreign entity. While, Nationalism is an trait to place the motherland before the individuals own need, and is therefore not an inherent part of patriotism.

Though, we have become increasingly jingoistic over time, sadly nationalism is on life-support.  The very quality that made the freedom fighters to do such selfless acts against insurmountable odds in order for us to enjoy our independence is practically, become a utopian concept to us. There might be people who’d disagree with me, but given a certain amount of self-introspection, I’m sure they will agree. The success of a Bollywood Movie, Rang De Basanti is testament to this.

Independence Day, Republic Day, Gandhi Jayanti, Nehru Jayanti, they have all become meaningless with our callous attitude, and an inherent desire of “me first”.

Almost everyone will say they’re “Proud To be and Indian” A question to you my fellow Indian is, what are you so proud of? Make a list of ten things you’re so proud of, and then review it. My guess is that seven out of ten things will be part of our history, days and events that are long gone. How long are we going to be proud of what our ancestor’s have achieved? At the same time, make a list of everything you’re ashamed of as an Indian, you’ll be surprised to see that eight of ten things on that list were events or acts within your own lifetime (less than 40 years).  So far we’ve let our ancestors down, their sacrifices have gone to waste. We’re independent, but we’re not free!

One of the reasons is that India doesn’t produce individuals of that mettle anymore. Part of the blame goes to the generation of our grandparents and parents, who got so busy is advancing their individual life and their family, in a race to get ahead of everyone else, that they all forgot what it meant to be nationalistic. Soon, the entire generation lost the idea. How could they have passed it on to us, when even they didn’t have a clue, what it meant. The growth and progress that India achieved in the first fifteen years after independence was brought down to a halt in the next twenty-five due to misguided intentions, sectarian politics, individual aspirations, and above all, corruption. Things have begun to change in the last ten-fifteen years, yet its pace is frustratingly slow. Don’t believe me; ask anyone who is barely alive south of “the poverty line”. Ask them to name significant advancements that India has made which have positively impacted their life. Then just wait to see them struggle to name even one.

I agree with some of you, we have come a long way. Now, practically everyone has a cell-phone, branded apparel, satellite dish on their roof, air-conditioners and fancy cars (at least the ones who have money to afford them). An average Indian in IT industry earns more in a month, than what his parents earned in year at his or her age. Does it somehow converts to a better lifestyle? Depends on whom you ask. All that we call advancement, is actually prime example of materialism. It’s a side effect of globalization; we’re now infected with the disease of possessing things and associating our success and happiness with those possessions. We’ve confused success with quantity, instead of quality. Now, the very same intelligence, ingenuity, our resolve that helped us liberating our country from foreign rule, is now wasted in improving our status, so that we can possess more. Has any of these advancement, changed the life of a common man on the street?

What will our grandchildren associate with our generation? The generation of excess! Excess of money, excess of greed, excess of self-preservation, excess of self-promotion or simply the generation that lost it all in mindless pursuit of happiness (read possessions).

I know by now what you’re thinking, he’s a pessimist. On the contrary, I’m a realist. To me the glass is neither half-empty nor half-full, it’s merely in a state, which can be altered by my decision based on need, to either empty it all the way or fill it up to the brim. My decision therefore governs the outcome, not the level of water in the glass. So bear with me, as I attempt to convince you that this hollow pride, jingoistic tendencies of relying on our glorious past has to go away, to make room for what needs be done.

Some would argue, that India is now a superpower.  I strongly disagree. Just because you manage to get a bigger stick, and stand among stronger folks, you’re not stronger. Your power depends on the use of the stick to good purpose. We don’t produce enough food to feed all our citizens, we don’t produce enough energy, we don’t have every household connected to uninterrupted supply of electricity, clean water, sanitary services, and basic necessities. We’re not able to provide healthcare to everyone in the country, even though we have socialist form of government. Is any of that indicative of our superpower status?

I know it’s hard, but the sooner we stop defending ourselves as something that we’re not, and accept the fact, that we’re still a “Developing” nation, sooner we can channel that energy, our intelligence, our resources with a singular goal, to make India a “Real” superpower.

Enough of being proud of India; It doesn’t change a thing, whether you’re proud of it or not, it is what it is. It matters, what we’re going to do that makes future generations in India proud of us?

Instead of being meaningless national holidays, we should use them, as milestones to measure our performance every year, to renew our commitment to make India, a nation that does not demand but, generates respect.

Continuing from my previous post, from last week, “Rewind, Pause, Play…”

Last week it was “Friendship Day”. I wouldn’t have noticed it, but for all the posts, tweets and emails about it, floating around the net. It made me think about my friends, the “real ones”, who know me inside out. Friends who can understand the meaning of everything said or unsaid, without effort, who will give me their piece of mind with no prejudice and offer help without bias. I was spoilt to have such wonderful friends growing up. I miss their generosity, their enthusiasm, and their unquestionable attitude to help, no matter what the situation was, any time of the day. There were no favors between us, someone asked for help, one of us helped, sometime all. No questions, no complications. Our friendship wasn’t forged or defined by our respective class, money or status. But mutual respect and a key element of any friendship, “trust”.

I consider myself to be very lucky in that regard. My oldest friend (in time, not age) in this world is Sanjay Sengar, whom I met on first day of school sometime almost 31 years ago. He still is a good friend. He’s not online, so we’ve lost touch; we get each other’s news through a common friend. I’m sure, if we get a chance to be face to face, we’ll pick up from where we left off, a decade ago.

Through Internet (Orkut, Facebook, Twitter etc.) I’ve been able to reconnect with several of my classmates (even some seniors) from school, and college. Some are here in US, most still in India. Most of them all are settled, very successful individuals, with families, some with their kids in high school. Needless to say, how refreshing it is to be in touch with them, and reminisce about the good ol’ days. We may have missed some milestones in each other’s lives, but we know we’re there for each other, in spirit.

In eleven years of living in US, I’ve made a lot of acquaintances; lot more than I wished to, and a whole lot less than my wife wanted to. Well, she is more of people’s person than I am, I’ll give her that.  My own personality has changed from an overly social person with countless friends, to a more reserved, reticent person of today. Though gradually, over 11 year period, there has to be a reason for this transformation.

I wont be surprised if someone believes that I’m an egocentric, egomaniac, who thinks too much of himself. Well, you’re entitled to your opinion, and you have no reason to trust me, but I’d say that I’m none of those. However, I may be exhibiting those traits inadvertently, of course. Anyone I meet these days can pretty much make the following observations above me; I’m mostly quite, unless I know the people well. It takes time for me to warm up to people, and with some I never do. The former is unintentional, while the latter is purely by choice.

I thought long and hard about the issue, as to why I may be perceived negatively, when I’m aiming for exactly the opposite. This is what I I’ve deduce; A) I believe in listening more than I speak. It suits me. It helps me size up the people, with whom I’m conversing. You’d be amazed to see how much people like to talk about themselves, if you let them. Pay a little attention and one can learn everything about their background, their experiences, and above all their personality and how’s it going to either suit or clash with yours. Either way, I know soon enough, and I act accordingly. B) The “Quality” of a friend is far more important to me than their “Quantity”. I’d rather have one “reliable” friend, than ten “unreliable” ones. But, that’s just me. I don’t care about social obligations to entertain people, with whom I have fundamental differences.

Having said that, I’ve met with some very talented, gifted individuals whom I call friends, as well as some, let’s just say neither do I know, nor do I care where they are. I’ve come to believe that “True Friend” is a utopian concept in America, at the least for me. Most friends we make here in US are because of convenience. Why? Because, we are social animals, we crave to be surrounded by people who conform to us or the other way round.

There are some, who’ve lost touch. I don’t blame them; they did what was best for them. All I can say is that we sometimes meet folks that at first seem more appealing than they actually are, in time we lower our guard, our expectations, and we adapt ourselves; in a way we short-change ourselves of the possibilities for the lack of a better alternative.

Life’s too short to waste on folks that mean nothing more than an acquaintance. While, a lifetime is too short in company of a true friend. I hope you’ve been lucky enough to find yours.

For the last several months of 2009 and early months of 2010 several events transpired in our lives which leads me to conclude that for most part, “people are addicted to drama”. Drama is an infectious disease.

Everyone that I’ve come across recently, mostly Indian folks have all been showing signs of this highly infectious disease, festering within them. You lend an ear to their plight, and you’re showing the symptoms too.

I’ve tried long and hard to analyze as to why, we tend to become this way. The simple reason is that from the very moment of our birth, we carry the pathogen within us. It stays dormant for a while, and then something triggers it into action. Before you know it, it’s taken a deep hold on your personality. We’re surrounded by it, we breathe it, in and out, and over time we get acclimatized to it, so much so that it becomes second nature to us all.

There’s drama is everything we do or don’t, in our actions and reactions. Drama is involved in every inter-personal action within the family, with friends and our social interactions. There is drama against people who chose not to be affected by it.

The Symptoms

How many times have you come across any of the following statements?

So and so is doing this…I don’t understand why, so and so is upto this…You know what, so and so said this to so and so….So and so, behaved like this with so and so, in front of so and so…the list goes on and on.

It sounds like gossip, which is basically a  manifestation of the disease. Different people exhibit symptoms to  different levels. People with less to do, are the most infected. For some drama means a lot more than anything else in their lives, much more than self-respect. People depend on it for emotional and psychological comfort, its absence creates a sense of detachment and creates a longing for it, and anyone who offers a reprieve suddenly becomes our friend, and when their demand for drama surpasses our own need, we’re e ready to part ways, and go on to look for another symbiotic host, or become a parasite. I was too infected with this suffocating and debilitating disease. Though, I caught a break eleven years ago, when I got an opportunity to move to US for further studies. As with anyone, there were withdrawal symptoms. In time, I met new people, and hoped that it wouldn’t resurface again. I succeeded, by keeping my distance.

Then something happened, I got married. Suddenly, the drama-infected group became twice as large. I hoped that it would stay away. Unfortunately, with time I found the same symptoms in different folks yet again, the drama lived on.

I’ve worked very hard to rid myself of this infection and for the past seven of the ten years I’ve been successful in keeping it at bay. However, in the past year, people having been trying hard to suck me back deeper into it. I detest it to my core, and I’m willing to do, or to say, what needs to be said, no matter how harsh it may sound or hurt someone, my resolve is not to give in.

Many would argue, as to why I would choose to be this way, a non-conformist. First, I don’t need to give explanation for my actions to anyone. No one is that important or relevant anyway, with the exception of my parents, my wife, and my immediate family. Everyone else is merely an acquaintance with varying degree of access to my life.

Why You Ask?

Because I don’t give a damn, about who’s doing what, and why? or why I’m not involved in it?. I don’t care what people think of me. I don’t believe in pretences and above all I don’t need to be dragged into something that I’ve worked so hard to get out of.

Above all, the drama sucks up all the energy and time we can spend on doing something positive with our lives, or affecting lives of other folks, positively.

The Remedy!

We’ve cut ties with people, who were so severely infected with this disease, that any time spent with them was draining us of our peace. We decided, we’re not going to get into a measuring contest, with anyone. Since, we decided not to participate, no one can make us. Yet, if they continue, it’s only affecting them.

It’s been a few months since, and our lives have never been so much peaceful and productive. We’re happy to be in company of our own thoughts, goals and aspirations. With no time to spend on frivolous social engagements, we’re doing what we want to do best, spend time with each other, and make best use of our time in enriching our personal and professional lives. Our actions may have lead for more drama in someone else’s life, but at the least, it’s not our problem.

I strongly urge you, to spend some time thinking about all the folks and their baggage (read Drama), and it’s impact on your life. If you decide, that it’s dominating your life, cut it off. You’ll be more at peace with yourself and folks around you.

Remember this;

1. This is the only life we’ve got. Screw this one up, there is no undo.
2. We can’t make everyone happy, and we shouldn’t try. You’ll end up being unhappy with your own life.
3. Reason for most ‘screw-up’ in relations is “Expectation”. From someone or for someone…sooner or later, everyone disappoints. A real meaningful relationship, whether it’s between spouses, friends or relatives can only happen in the absence of expectations, otherwise it is destined to fail.
4. Never underestimate the power of stupid people. Stupid decisions are often made in the company of stupid people. Avoid them like a plague!
5. Never take sides, especially if the two sides are equally represented by morons. Sooner or later, the morons will unite, and you will be a pariah.
6. Surround yourself with people from whom you can learn something. If you’re the one teaching them all the time, you’re degrading yourself, move on.
7. There is only 24 hours in a day. The difference between a winner and a loser is only in the utilization of their respective 24 hours. Spend yours wisely, and you’ll be successful as well.