Continuing from my previous post, from last week, “Rewind, Pause, Play…”

Last week it was “Friendship Day”. I wouldn’t have noticed it, but for all the posts, tweets and emails about it, floating around the net. It made me think about my friends, the “real ones”, who know me inside out. Friends who can understand the meaning of everything said or unsaid, without effort, who will give me their piece of mind with no prejudice and offer help without bias. I was spoilt to have such wonderful friends growing up. I miss their generosity, their enthusiasm, and their unquestionable attitude to help, no matter what the situation was, any time of the day. There were no favors between us, someone asked for help, one of us helped, sometime all. No questions, no complications. Our friendship wasn’t forged or defined by our respective class, money or status. But mutual respect and a key element of any friendship, “trust”.

I consider myself to be very lucky in that regard. My oldest friend (in time, not age) in this world is Sanjay Sengar, whom I met on first day of school sometime almost 31 years ago. He still is a good friend. He’s not online, so we’ve lost touch; we get each other’s news through a common friend. I’m sure, if we get a chance to be face to face, we’ll pick up from where we left off, a decade ago.

Through Internet (Orkut, Facebook, Twitter etc.) I’ve been able to reconnect with several of my classmates (even some seniors) from school, and college. Some are here in US, most still in India. Most of them all are settled, very successful individuals, with families, some with their kids in high school. Needless to say, how refreshing it is to be in touch with them, and reminisce about the good ol’ days. We may have missed some milestones in each other’s lives, but we know we’re there for each other, in spirit.

In eleven years of living in US, I’ve made a lot of acquaintances; lot more than I wished to, and a whole lot less than my wife wanted to. Well, she is more of people’s person than I am, I’ll give her that.  My own personality has changed from an overly social person with countless friends, to a more reserved, reticent person of today. Though gradually, over 11 year period, there has to be a reason for this transformation.

I wont be surprised if someone believes that I’m an egocentric, egomaniac, who thinks too much of himself. Well, you’re entitled to your opinion, and you have no reason to trust me, but I’d say that I’m none of those. However, I may be exhibiting those traits inadvertently, of course. Anyone I meet these days can pretty much make the following observations above me; I’m mostly quite, unless I know the people well. It takes time for me to warm up to people, and with some I never do. The former is unintentional, while the latter is purely by choice.

I thought long and hard about the issue, as to why I may be perceived negatively, when I’m aiming for exactly the opposite. This is what I I’ve deduce; A) I believe in listening more than I speak. It suits me. It helps me size up the people, with whom I’m conversing. You’d be amazed to see how much people like to talk about themselves, if you let them. Pay a little attention and one can learn everything about their background, their experiences, and above all their personality and how’s it going to either suit or clash with yours. Either way, I know soon enough, and I act accordingly. B) The “Quality” of a friend is far more important to me than their “Quantity”. I’d rather have one “reliable” friend, than ten “unreliable” ones. But, that’s just me. I don’t care about social obligations to entertain people, with whom I have fundamental differences.

Having said that, I’ve met with some very talented, gifted individuals whom I call friends, as well as some, let’s just say neither do I know, nor do I care where they are. I’ve come to believe that “True Friend” is a utopian concept in America, at the least for me. Most friends we make here in US are because of convenience. Why? Because, we are social animals, we crave to be surrounded by people who conform to us or the other way round.

There are some, who’ve lost touch. I don’t blame them; they did what was best for them. All I can say is that we sometimes meet folks that at first seem more appealing than they actually are, in time we lower our guard, our expectations, and we adapt ourselves; in a way we short-change ourselves of the possibilities for the lack of a better alternative.

Life’s too short to waste on folks that mean nothing more than an acquaintance. While, a lifetime is too short in company of a true friend. I hope you’ve been lucky enough to find yours.