Being one of the few Indians, in my line of work, I’m regularly asked some simple questions about India, and Indians. Considering the exposure these days, these questions are somewhat common, predictable, judging by the expression on the face of the people, asking them. I’m sure many of you have been in similar situation, where you become some kind of an ambassador for India, and are considered to be a walking-talking wiki of sorts. Well, their opinion of us is generous, but I come to realize that I’m not always able to answer them without a bias, or adding my own interpretation or personal viewpoints on issues. Some of the most common questions that find I’m regularly answering are:

Why do some Indians look different (lighter v/s darker toned)? or speak in a different (read heavier) accent than others?

Our looks and accent? How is it any different from people in America? What I mean is that if you pitch a Yankee against a southerner, do you not see the difference? Here in America people from different cultures be it, Hispanic, latino, Asian, European or African-american, they all look, talk and speak differently. That ought to settle it. But that’s not my answer; it’s my premise to build my argument on. It always makes people laugh, which is good for any conversation.

To simply answer the question; we look different because we too are from different lineages. Historically, India being the center of higher learning and economic prosperity attracted people from all corners of the world, some with good intentions, some bad, and some worse. Some of these visitors, returned to their native places, while some stayed back in India, and continued their life onwards, in time their progenies got assimilated into the Indian population. Over time we’ve become an amalgamation of different cultures, different religions, and different languages grouped under a singular identity, a Hindustani. So, it is so hard to imagine that we look, talk and walk different!

Why most Indians don’t eat beef?

Most of us Indians don’t eat beef, primarily for two reasons, religious beliefs or social inhibitions. As for the religious beliefs, the general population is pre-dominantly Hindu (followers of Hinduism, an ideology, sadly turned into a religion). Therefore, the terms Hindustan (land of hindus), and its residents as Hindustani’s are loosely used, with no deeper connotation.

In order to understand the psyche of Hindus, you’ll have to dig deeper into the religious framework. Hinduism, which was a way of life, for anyone to accept and adapt into, has over centuries evolved into a religion. The basic tenets of Hindu religion are rooted in omnipresence of a trifecta of super-gods, Brahma (the Creator), Vishnu (the Preserver) and Shiva (the Destroyer). These three gods are solely responsible for the world (read life) to exist. Brahma gives or creates life. Vishnu, nurtures it, till it achieves its purpose in this world, and is eventually destroyed by Shiva, so that it can be re-created by Brahma, and thus continuing the cycle of life, which is also associated with the concept of Karma, and re-incarnation.

Cow is an integral part of hindu mythology, so are cobras (thought I’d add it in the mix). A cow is considered sacred by majority of hindus as it is associated with Lord Shiva (the destroyer). Who wouldn’t, considering you’re up against Shiva! Therefore, consumption of cow meat is sacrilegious to Hindus and is in fact illegal in India, to the extent that a person, who harms, injures or sells cow meat can be sent to jail for an extended period of time. Now, that does not mean that you can’t find beef in India. Different segments of society in India on a regular basis consume beef (mostly from water buffaloes or illegal butchering of cows).

Unlike cows, chickens and fish don’t enjoy any special status, and therefore are meats of choice for the non-vegetarians in India. I even find it strange that chickens aren’t even a part of mythology, unlike fishes, that do tend to appear intermittently in the scriptures.

Is caste system still prevalent in India?

My answer to this question is always, regrettably, yes. Most of us don’t like to accept that it does; yet we all have felt its presence all along. You’d be lying to yourself and others, if you deny its existence in Indian society.

However, I always continue the conversation to elaborate as to why and how it exists, and how it is becoming insignificant with the new generation of Indians. At the same time, I make sure that the person understands the difference between “caste” and “class”. The division of class is primarily on the basis of economic condition, but both are used interchangeably, as they somehow statistically correlate.

The ancient class system can be traced back thousands of years. Referring to the oldest treaties of Indian civilization, the “Vedas”, there were four groups of citizens, identified by their chosen way of life. The Brahmin’s (highly learned individuals, who were mostly educators, adept in Sanskrit and performed ceremonies), the Kshattriya’s (warriors or soldiers, whose sole responsibility was the protection of a nation), the Vaishya’s (tradesmen, akin to businessmen of present day), and the Shudras (the service class, who worked for the other three groups and themselves. A person was known to be a part of one of these four classes, based on his acceptance of the line of work, he was deemed fit to represent. A person could also belong to two or more of those classes. Historical books are full of evidences of Brahmins fighting along with Kshattriya’s in a battle, or Kshattriya’s become teachers.

In time, however, Kshattriya’s (the warriors) became prominent, as kings and rulers of nations. The Brahmin’s in order to maintain their status and significance started to refer themselves as the top of the class, as they were needed to educate the next generation and perform religious ceremonies for the kings. The tradesmen, continued to flourish, yet they paid their dues to the Kshattriya’s and Brahmins. The Shudras with limited opportunities to grow, both personally and professionally, were subdued by the other three classes. Soon, these groups evolved into a pseudo caste system. Instead of being assigned to one of the class, based on your profession, a Brahmin started to give birth to a Brahmin, while a Kshattriya’s gave birth to more Kshattriya’s, and Shudra’s gave birth to more Shudras.

Thus, a vicious cycle was evolved, which sadly continues to roll to this day. The pace however, has slowed down considerably, with avenues for education, and economical development for all. Considering our current as well as the ex-President belonged to a lower or a minority caste, we’ve come a long way, yet nowhere near to where we should be.

Questions like the earlier ones are easy to answer, as there is an attributing factor for them. But then, there are questions like the following, which are non-specific and the attributing factors are way to complex to comment on;

Why do Indians mostly hang around with Indians?

Why do Indians usually don’t make an effort to mix with their non-Indian colleague, friends or neighbors?

Is arranged marriages still prevalent in India?

Why does the word “Sex” offend Indians, when they’re all from the Land of Kama Sutra?

Why they sometimes continue talk in their native language even if there are others present who can’t join the conversation due to the apparent language barrier?

Why don’t they open doors or keep them open for people behind them when entering/exiting a building?

Why do they sometimes eat and simultaneously talk with their mouths open, or sometimes without silverware? Or belch, publicly with no regard for anyone around?

Why don’t they make an effort to dress up a little?

Why are Indian males mostly walking ahead of females?

Why is it that most Indians will do the right things as long as a perception of being watched is there, not when no one is around?

Often, I’ve fallen short of coming up with a satisfying answer. How do I answer them?

Where do we put the blame for such apparent anti-social, conservative, and “holy than thou” behavior that is so commonly exhibited by so many of us? Who do we blame, our culture? Our schooling? or our lack of social etiquette? Our religion? There has to be an attributing factor for so many of us exhibiting such behavior, without ever realizing that it might be perceived in a manner, contrary to what we anticipate.  But then, most desis don’t care, or it may seem so.

More often than not, people have a hard time in shedding their old beliefs and adopting something new, more so if it happens to be too liberal. We take refuge in our culture, no matter how archaic and muddled it has become over time. For lack of which, most people feel out of place, they voluntarily cling on to nostalgia, to fading glimpses of glorious time that they’ve left behind and subconsciously try to generate the familiar environmental in an alien land.

To be fair, I assume that everyone (and I’m limiting myself to desi’s) in America is here because of his or her own merit. Though, some would argue the very definition of “merit”, let’s agree that it’s subjective. Once here, we’re all exposed to same cultural elements, similar environments, yet over time we all evolve into different beings and sadly, some don’t evolve at all.

The ones who do however, either take on the good or the bad of what this country has to offer, very rarely they’re successful in blending both worlds, specially their culture, which stays sacrosanct. Above all, most of us try to impose and justify what we know, over what we should know and most of the times it ends up turning us into the “aliens” we’re branded out to be, even after we become “permanent residents” or citizens of America.

A colloquial abbreviation often used very loosely by desis for kids of American-Indians, is ABCD, which stands for “American Born Confused Desi”. I’ve always held umbrage against it. I believe it’s not the kids that are confused, it’s their parents. Dare I coin a new term, IBCP (Indian Born Confused Parents).

Kids learn what they see around them, at school and at home. In school, they learn that they’re Americans and get exposed to an American way of thinking and lifestyle. But, then the same kids go home, and are then forced to believe that they’re something else, much better, an Indian.

In order for this “superior” belief to become a lifestyle, kids are confused everyday by their parents/grand-parents. Most of American born Indian kids go through a similar cycle, with varying amount of pressures and expectations to conform to their cultural demands of their parents. Can this cycle be broken?

Yes, I believe so. But, to do the same, we (the parents) have to change. We have to learn to evaluate things on their own merits, rather than relying on age-old wisdom, no matter how archaic it is. What is the purpose of human evolution, if all we intend to do is to stick ourselves to the past? We need to re-evaluate as to what are we actually preaching to our kids.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of my roots, but I don’t feel the same way for our culture. The socio-economic-religious-political influence that we call culture is not what it seems, or what it’s ought to be. Maybe, because I’m an agnostic, and I have been for as long as I could remember. Maybe, I’m too liberal. Whatever the case may be, one thing is sure, that I’m unapologetic for it.

Through the ages, we have been looking to the west for everything. Some would disagree, even feel contempt for this suggestion, But we always have. We’ve gladly opened ourselves to anything that’s “western”, yet we’ve been very selective on accepting what it has to offer. We pick & choose to our convenience, in a matter that justifies only our logic. We have no qualms about it either. We flaunt our deficiencies, and somehow anything different becomes anti-cultural. We forbid its inclusion in our lives, we resist the change, due to the fear that we may loose our identity.

What identity? We’re just drones, too busy to live our lives, that we barely ever stop and look up, look around, or even look back to see how far we’ve come. The “Indian” identity we all take pride in, is actually defined by what?

Is it our intelligence, our empathy, our ability to adapt, our resourcefulness, or our ingenuity?

I have some ideas, but I’d like to know what you think.