I can’t believe a year has gone by. As i reviewed my last years post (see here), I experienced an eerie sense of DejaVu! Nevertheless, Happy Independence Day, India!! You deserve it, whether we (as Indians) do or not.

I’m not sure how much has any of it changed in a year. To be honest, I have a feeling that very little actually has. The problems that existed a year ago, still do. Sadly, things are not going to change much as long as we, as a generation, come to an agreement that we have failed the very people, who won us our Independence. The problem is that we keep justifying our actions or inactions, without taking any actual responsibility for it.

Time and again, I’ve said that the bankruptcy of Nationalistic Ideology, that has plagued this generation, is not its fault. It’s been handed down from the previous generations. Question is are we going to just pass the buck to the next one, or take moral responsibility, and attempt a course correction? the only thing we can actually do.

I live 20,000 miles away. No matter how much i try to stay connected to my roots, out-of-sight, often results in out-of-mind.  I don’t believe that one man can make a difference, not anymore. None of us have the will of steel, or a functioning moral compass that always points in the right direction. I feel that it’s shameful that a 74 year old man, has to stand up for our rights, when our generation is busy worrying about who’s going to be the next Indian Idol, or winner of KBC, or the next Master Chef, or who’s going to make the cut for MTV Roadies this year…

No matter how good Anna Hazare is, he’s still going to need people to support him. Question is, will this generation stand behind him or in front of him…and there is a difference between the two.

As i watched “Aarakshan” last night, I started reminiscing About my own experiences with the unjust system. I call it that, as it has already outlived it’s purpose, and is now merely a platform for politicians to elevate themselves, not the very people they claim to represent. But, the issue deserves it’s own post…

Sure, we’ve had our fair share of accomplishments, winning the Cricket World Cup being one of them…euphoria over which has already waned, enveloped by the shameless defeat in England, and being kicked out of the No. 1 Ranking in the Test Cricket.

The achievements that we really need to feel proud are, declining population growth, increase in literacy rates (though not uniform), a reduced sex ratio (and I’m not referring to the actual act) but a growth in girls v/s boys ratio, which was declining for the past several decades.

Task at hand is not to create a “shining” India, but a prosperous India.

Being one of the few Indians, in my line of work, I’m regularly asked some simple questions about India, and Indians. Considering the exposure these days, these questions are somewhat common, predictable, judging by the expression on the face of the people, asking them. I’m sure many of you have been in similar situation, where you become some kind of an ambassador for India, and are considered to be a walking-talking wiki of sorts. Well, their opinion of us is generous, but I come to realize that I’m not always able to answer them without a bias, or adding my own interpretation or personal viewpoints on issues. Some of the most common questions that find I’m regularly answering are:

Why do some Indians look different (lighter v/s darker toned)? or speak in a different (read heavier) accent than others?

Our looks and accent? How is it any different from people in America? What I mean is that if you pitch a Yankee against a southerner, do you not see the difference? Here in America people from different cultures be it, Hispanic, latino, Asian, European or African-american, they all look, talk and speak differently. That ought to settle it. But that’s not my answer; it’s my premise to build my argument on. It always makes people laugh, which is good for any conversation.

To simply answer the question; we look different because we too are from different lineages. Historically, India being the center of higher learning and economic prosperity attracted people from all corners of the world, some with good intentions, some bad, and some worse. Some of these visitors, returned to their native places, while some stayed back in India, and continued their life onwards, in time their progenies got assimilated into the Indian population. Over time we’ve become an amalgamation of different cultures, different religions, and different languages grouped under a singular identity, a Hindustani. So, it is so hard to imagine that we look, talk and walk different!

Why most Indians don’t eat beef?

Most of us Indians don’t eat beef, primarily for two reasons, religious beliefs or social inhibitions. As for the religious beliefs, the general population is pre-dominantly Hindu (followers of Hinduism, an ideology, sadly turned into a religion). Therefore, the terms Hindustan (land of hindus), and its residents as Hindustani’s are loosely used, with no deeper connotation.

In order to understand the psyche of Hindus, you’ll have to dig deeper into the religious framework. Hinduism, which was a way of life, for anyone to accept and adapt into, has over centuries evolved into a religion. The basic tenets of Hindu religion are rooted in omnipresence of a trifecta of super-gods, Brahma (the Creator), Vishnu (the Preserver) and Shiva (the Destroyer). These three gods are solely responsible for the world (read life) to exist. Brahma gives or creates life. Vishnu, nurtures it, till it achieves its purpose in this world, and is eventually destroyed by Shiva, so that it can be re-created by Brahma, and thus continuing the cycle of life, which is also associated with the concept of Karma, and re-incarnation.

Cow is an integral part of hindu mythology, so are cobras (thought I’d add it in the mix). A cow is considered sacred by majority of hindus as it is associated with Lord Shiva (the destroyer). Who wouldn’t, considering you’re up against Shiva! Therefore, consumption of cow meat is sacrilegious to Hindus and is in fact illegal in India, to the extent that a person, who harms, injures or sells cow meat can be sent to jail for an extended period of time. Now, that does not mean that you can’t find beef in India. Different segments of society in India on a regular basis consume beef (mostly from water buffaloes or illegal butchering of cows).

Unlike cows, chickens and fish don’t enjoy any special status, and therefore are meats of choice for the non-vegetarians in India. I even find it strange that chickens aren’t even a part of mythology, unlike fishes, that do tend to appear intermittently in the scriptures.

Is caste system still prevalent in India?

My answer to this question is always, regrettably, yes. Most of us don’t like to accept that it does; yet we all have felt its presence all along. You’d be lying to yourself and others, if you deny its existence in Indian society.

However, I always continue the conversation to elaborate as to why and how it exists, and how it is becoming insignificant with the new generation of Indians. At the same time, I make sure that the person understands the difference between “caste” and “class”. The division of class is primarily on the basis of economic condition, but both are used interchangeably, as they somehow statistically correlate.

The ancient class system can be traced back thousands of years. Referring to the oldest treaties of Indian civilization, the “Vedas”, there were four groups of citizens, identified by their chosen way of life. The Brahmin’s (highly learned individuals, who were mostly educators, adept in Sanskrit and performed ceremonies), the Kshattriya’s (warriors or soldiers, whose sole responsibility was the protection of a nation), the Vaishya’s (tradesmen, akin to businessmen of present day), and the Shudras (the service class, who worked for the other three groups and themselves. A person was known to be a part of one of these four classes, based on his acceptance of the line of work, he was deemed fit to represent. A person could also belong to two or more of those classes. Historical books are full of evidences of Brahmins fighting along with Kshattriya’s in a battle, or Kshattriya’s become teachers.

In time, however, Kshattriya’s (the warriors) became prominent, as kings and rulers of nations. The Brahmin’s in order to maintain their status and significance started to refer themselves as the top of the class, as they were needed to educate the next generation and perform religious ceremonies for the kings. The tradesmen, continued to flourish, yet they paid their dues to the Kshattriya’s and Brahmins. The Shudras with limited opportunities to grow, both personally and professionally, were subdued by the other three classes. Soon, these groups evolved into a pseudo caste system. Instead of being assigned to one of the class, based on your profession, a Brahmin started to give birth to a Brahmin, while a Kshattriya’s gave birth to more Kshattriya’s, and Shudra’s gave birth to more Shudras.

Thus, a vicious cycle was evolved, which sadly continues to roll to this day. The pace however, has slowed down considerably, with avenues for education, and economical development for all. Considering our current as well as the ex-President belonged to a lower or a minority caste, we’ve come a long way, yet nowhere near to where we should be.

Questions like the earlier ones are easy to answer, as there is an attributing factor for them. But then, there are questions like the following, which are non-specific and the attributing factors are way to complex to comment on;

Why do Indians mostly hang around with Indians?

Why do Indians usually don’t make an effort to mix with their non-Indian colleague, friends or neighbors?

Is arranged marriages still prevalent in India?

Why does the word “Sex” offend Indians, when they’re all from the Land of Kama Sutra?

Why they sometimes continue talk in their native language even if there are others present who can’t join the conversation due to the apparent language barrier?

Why don’t they open doors or keep them open for people behind them when entering/exiting a building?

Why do they sometimes eat and simultaneously talk with their mouths open, or sometimes without silverware? Or belch, publicly with no regard for anyone around?

Why don’t they make an effort to dress up a little?

Why are Indian males mostly walking ahead of females?

Why is it that most Indians will do the right things as long as a perception of being watched is there, not when no one is around?

Often, I’ve fallen short of coming up with a satisfying answer. How do I answer them?

Where do we put the blame for such apparent anti-social, conservative, and “holy than thou” behavior that is so commonly exhibited by so many of us? Who do we blame, our culture? Our schooling? or our lack of social etiquette? Our religion? There has to be an attributing factor for so many of us exhibiting such behavior, without ever realizing that it might be perceived in a manner, contrary to what we anticipate.  But then, most desis don’t care, or it may seem so.

More often than not, people have a hard time in shedding their old beliefs and adopting something new, more so if it happens to be too liberal. We take refuge in our culture, no matter how archaic and muddled it has become over time. For lack of which, most people feel out of place, they voluntarily cling on to nostalgia, to fading glimpses of glorious time that they’ve left behind and subconsciously try to generate the familiar environmental in an alien land.

To be fair, I assume that everyone (and I’m limiting myself to desi’s) in America is here because of his or her own merit. Though, some would argue the very definition of “merit”, let’s agree that it’s subjective. Once here, we’re all exposed to same cultural elements, similar environments, yet over time we all evolve into different beings and sadly, some don’t evolve at all.

The ones who do however, either take on the good or the bad of what this country has to offer, very rarely they’re successful in blending both worlds, specially their culture, which stays sacrosanct. Above all, most of us try to impose and justify what we know, over what we should know and most of the times it ends up turning us into the “aliens” we’re branded out to be, even after we become “permanent residents” or citizens of America.

A colloquial abbreviation often used very loosely by desis for kids of American-Indians, is ABCD, which stands for “American Born Confused Desi”. I’ve always held umbrage against it. I believe it’s not the kids that are confused, it’s their parents. Dare I coin a new term, IBCP (Indian Born Confused Parents).

Kids learn what they see around them, at school and at home. In school, they learn that they’re Americans and get exposed to an American way of thinking and lifestyle. But, then the same kids go home, and are then forced to believe that they’re something else, much better, an Indian.

In order for this “superior” belief to become a lifestyle, kids are confused everyday by their parents/grand-parents. Most of American born Indian kids go through a similar cycle, with varying amount of pressures and expectations to conform to their cultural demands of their parents. Can this cycle be broken?

Yes, I believe so. But, to do the same, we (the parents) have to change. We have to learn to evaluate things on their own merits, rather than relying on age-old wisdom, no matter how archaic it is. What is the purpose of human evolution, if all we intend to do is to stick ourselves to the past? We need to re-evaluate as to what are we actually preaching to our kids.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of my roots, but I don’t feel the same way for our culture. The socio-economic-religious-political influence that we call culture is not what it seems, or what it’s ought to be. Maybe, because I’m an agnostic, and I have been for as long as I could remember. Maybe, I’m too liberal. Whatever the case may be, one thing is sure, that I’m unapologetic for it.

Through the ages, we have been looking to the west for everything. Some would disagree, even feel contempt for this suggestion, But we always have. We’ve gladly opened ourselves to anything that’s “western”, yet we’ve been very selective on accepting what it has to offer. We pick & choose to our convenience, in a matter that justifies only our logic. We have no qualms about it either. We flaunt our deficiencies, and somehow anything different becomes anti-cultural. We forbid its inclusion in our lives, we resist the change, due to the fear that we may loose our identity.

What identity? We’re just drones, too busy to live our lives, that we barely ever stop and look up, look around, or even look back to see how far we’ve come. The “Indian” identity we all take pride in, is actually defined by what?

Is it our intelligence, our empathy, our ability to adapt, our resourcefulness, or our ingenuity?

I have some ideas, but I’d like to know what you think.

Yesterday, August 15, 2010 was the 63rd Anniversary of India’s Independence from 200 years of British rule. As an Indian, like everyone else I feel proud of this anniversary, as it marks a day in history, when “resolve” won over “might”.

This “Independence” we all have come to enjoy, now even taken for granted was won by paying price of thousands of lives over a span of 100 years. It took several generations of “Real Indians” to break free from the clutches of the “British Raj”. All the lives lost in this struggle for independence were focused on a single goal “Swaraj” or Self-Governance.

The famous names associated with this freedom movement which are known to most of the world, as M.K. Gandhi or “Gandhi”, Mr. J.L. Nehru or “Nehru”, Mr. Vallabhai Patel or “Sardar Patel” to name a few. The major force of this movement were the countless Indians who believed in the common vision, followed their leaders to achieve what seemed improbable at the time. Thousands of those unnamed Indians put their lives in harm’s way on streets, and in jails protesting or doing nothing during non-cooperation movement. They died dreaming of a day, when they will not have to answer to a foreign power, when there will be rule of law, justice, and equality for all. Their singular vision for India’s Independence was the driving force for them to pay the ultimate price, their own life in achieving this goal for themselves and their future generations.

Fast forward 63 Years, now we’re that future generation, living that invaluable dream, paid for by the unwavering resolve, blood, sweat and tears of a lost generation. Though, this day is currently celebrated as a day of national pride, with superfluous pomp and vigor by almost every Indian, in all corners of the world, the real value of this independence is somewhat lost. On this day practically every Indian will feel a sense of pride flowing through their veins, like a rush of adrenalin the effect of which wears out within weeks, if not days.

We’ve become part of a system, which has made this day into a national holiday, nothing more. The official propaganda starts a few weeks in advance, contracts are awarded to vendors, official building are covered with a new coat of paint, draped with tri-color streamers, while national, political-party flags are hoisted on all important buildings/places of every town in the country. Billboards with congratulatory note from local and national leaders, brandishing the logo of the political party they belong to, sprung all over town. A brand new “Tri-Color” is hoisted on the morning of August 15^th with the rendition of “Jan Gan Man”, our national anthem and a 21-canon salute. The political leaders soon descend on the stages, dressed in “Khaadi” to deliver lofty speeches, remind the audience of the glorious past, and ultimately set the stage to push their respective political agendas, and how the opposition is ruining it all.

A few days pass, all the euphoria dies, the cheap glue in streamers gives up, torn out flags lie on the ground, clogging the drains, some baked into the asphalt with vehicles driving over them, people rushing passing by in their quest for livelihood. Soon they reach a decrepit stage, collected by the garbage truck to be dumped into a landfill. Then another 363 days pass by, and the cycle continues. With every passing year, we get farther and farther away from what it really signifies. Sadly, that’s the shelf life of “Patriotism” in modern India.

As far as I can remember, the routine on every August 15^th was simple. Though, it was a national holiday, we had to got to our school, dressed in our finest uniform, stand in neat lines in the assembly areas, sing the National Anthem, salute the flag, then receive a paper flag and some sweets, listen to a speech given by our school principal. Play around with friends till our parents picked us up. We go home, and play again, while the adults talk politics, sports, weather or whatever may be the news of the moment. We all enjoyed the freedom that August 15^th brought with it, a holiday, no studies, and no homework. We watched news of how the day was being celebrated all across India, then some historical programming, non-stop playing of patriotic songs over the radio. I’m not familiar with what the routine looks like now, but I can’t imagine it being much different.

Having being born in Free India, we did not witness any of the struggles, unlike my grandparents who grew up amidst the politically charged atmosphere.  Most of the information available to our generation (post independence) is through second-hand knowledge or through our textbooks in school, college and/or universities. As one of subject included in the realm of social studies, Indian and World History is part of the educational curriculum in schools all across India. Unfortunately, it often takes a backseat to physical sciences, mathematics, and technology. It’s treated as a subject that people need to just pass, in order to move on to more lucrative and vocational subjects. Due to this misguided notion, we end up retaining bits and pieces of information, and with time, only the significant information is left behind. Soon we forget everything, but the good, or glorious part. Rest just filters through over time, and is lost unless we make an attempt to revisit it. Seems like a stretch, try reciting the entire national anthem. How many do even remember the entire anthem?

Twice a year, on August 15^th and January 26^th, India celebrates Independence Day and Republic Day, respectively. Twice a year we’re all gung-ho about anything and everything Indian. I try to stay out of discussions on this day. I’ve always had mixed feelings about it, and I hold stance which not many Indians share, and that is “Every Indian Is Patriotic, but not all Indians are Nationalist”, and that is the Achilles’ heel for our country. Often, when I say this, the reactions are obviously heated, some suggest that I’ve lost it; some question my own sense of patriotism. Some just claim that there is no difference between the two!

Well, there is and I’m often hard-pressed to explain that nationalism depends on patriotism, not the other way round. Patriotism, by definition is a feeling of love and devotion to the country one is born in, and can be reflected in any number of ways. While, Nationalism is collective identity forged by the feeling of patriotism, free of language, race or religion for identification of an entity, much larger than it’s citizens, a Nation.

Patriotism is often a reaction to events or comments made against one’s country of birth (motherland), and are mostly projected towards a foreign entity. While, Nationalism is an trait to place the motherland before the individuals own need, and is therefore not an inherent part of patriotism.

Though, we have become increasingly jingoistic over time, sadly nationalism is on life-support.  The very quality that made the freedom fighters to do such selfless acts against insurmountable odds in order for us to enjoy our independence is practically, become a utopian concept to us. There might be people who’d disagree with me, but given a certain amount of self-introspection, I’m sure they will agree. The success of a Bollywood Movie, Rang De Basanti is testament to this.

Independence Day, Republic Day, Gandhi Jayanti, Nehru Jayanti, they have all become meaningless with our callous attitude, and an inherent desire of “me first”.

Almost everyone will say they’re “Proud To be and Indian” A question to you my fellow Indian is, what are you so proud of? Make a list of ten things you’re so proud of, and then review it. My guess is that seven out of ten things will be part of our history, days and events that are long gone. How long are we going to be proud of what our ancestor’s have achieved? At the same time, make a list of everything you’re ashamed of as an Indian, you’ll be surprised to see that eight of ten things on that list were events or acts within your own lifetime (less than 40 years).  So far we’ve let our ancestors down, their sacrifices have gone to waste. We’re independent, but we’re not free!

One of the reasons is that India doesn’t produce individuals of that mettle anymore. Part of the blame goes to the generation of our grandparents and parents, who got so busy is advancing their individual life and their family, in a race to get ahead of everyone else, that they all forgot what it meant to be nationalistic. Soon, the entire generation lost the idea. How could they have passed it on to us, when even they didn’t have a clue, what it meant. The growth and progress that India achieved in the first fifteen years after independence was brought down to a halt in the next twenty-five due to misguided intentions, sectarian politics, individual aspirations, and above all, corruption. Things have begun to change in the last ten-fifteen years, yet its pace is frustratingly slow. Don’t believe me; ask anyone who is barely alive south of “the poverty line”. Ask them to name significant advancements that India has made which have positively impacted their life. Then just wait to see them struggle to name even one.

I agree with some of you, we have come a long way. Now, practically everyone has a cell-phone, branded apparel, satellite dish on their roof, air-conditioners and fancy cars (at least the ones who have money to afford them). An average Indian in IT industry earns more in a month, than what his parents earned in year at his or her age. Does it somehow converts to a better lifestyle? Depends on whom you ask. All that we call advancement, is actually prime example of materialism. It’s a side effect of globalization; we’re now infected with the disease of possessing things and associating our success and happiness with those possessions. We’ve confused success with quantity, instead of quality. Now, the very same intelligence, ingenuity, our resolve that helped us liberating our country from foreign rule, is now wasted in improving our status, so that we can possess more. Has any of these advancement, changed the life of a common man on the street?

What will our grandchildren associate with our generation? The generation of excess! Excess of money, excess of greed, excess of self-preservation, excess of self-promotion or simply the generation that lost it all in mindless pursuit of happiness (read possessions).

I know by now what you’re thinking, he’s a pessimist. On the contrary, I’m a realist. To me the glass is neither half-empty nor half-full, it’s merely in a state, which can be altered by my decision based on need, to either empty it all the way or fill it up to the brim. My decision therefore governs the outcome, not the level of water in the glass. So bear with me, as I attempt to convince you that this hollow pride, jingoistic tendencies of relying on our glorious past has to go away, to make room for what needs be done.

Some would argue, that India is now a superpower.  I strongly disagree. Just because you manage to get a bigger stick, and stand among stronger folks, you’re not stronger. Your power depends on the use of the stick to good purpose. We don’t produce enough food to feed all our citizens, we don’t produce enough energy, we don’t have every household connected to uninterrupted supply of electricity, clean water, sanitary services, and basic necessities. We’re not able to provide healthcare to everyone in the country, even though we have socialist form of government. Is any of that indicative of our superpower status?

I know it’s hard, but the sooner we stop defending ourselves as something that we’re not, and accept the fact, that we’re still a “Developing” nation, sooner we can channel that energy, our intelligence, our resources with a singular goal, to make India a “Real” superpower.

Enough of being proud of India; It doesn’t change a thing, whether you’re proud of it or not, it is what it is. It matters, what we’re going to do that makes future generations in India proud of us?

Instead of being meaningless national holidays, we should use them, as milestones to measure our performance every year, to renew our commitment to make India, a nation that does not demand but, generates respect.

Continuing from my previous post, from last week, “Rewind, Pause, Play…”

Last week it was “Friendship Day”. I wouldn’t have noticed it, but for all the posts, tweets and emails about it, floating around the net. It made me think about my friends, the “real ones”, who know me inside out. Friends who can understand the meaning of everything said or unsaid, without effort, who will give me their piece of mind with no prejudice and offer help without bias. I was spoilt to have such wonderful friends growing up. I miss their generosity, their enthusiasm, and their unquestionable attitude to help, no matter what the situation was, any time of the day. There were no favors between us, someone asked for help, one of us helped, sometime all. No questions, no complications. Our friendship wasn’t forged or defined by our respective class, money or status. But mutual respect and a key element of any friendship, “trust”.

I consider myself to be very lucky in that regard. My oldest friend (in time, not age) in this world is Sanjay Sengar, whom I met on first day of school sometime almost 31 years ago. He still is a good friend. He’s not online, so we’ve lost touch; we get each other’s news through a common friend. I’m sure, if we get a chance to be face to face, we’ll pick up from where we left off, a decade ago.

Through Internet (Orkut, Facebook, Twitter etc.) I’ve been able to reconnect with several of my classmates (even some seniors) from school, and college. Some are here in US, most still in India. Most of them all are settled, very successful individuals, with families, some with their kids in high school. Needless to say, how refreshing it is to be in touch with them, and reminisce about the good ol’ days. We may have missed some milestones in each other’s lives, but we know we’re there for each other, in spirit.

In eleven years of living in US, I’ve made a lot of acquaintances; lot more than I wished to, and a whole lot less than my wife wanted to. Well, she is more of people’s person than I am, I’ll give her that.  My own personality has changed from an overly social person with countless friends, to a more reserved, reticent person of today. Though gradually, over 11 year period, there has to be a reason for this transformation.

I wont be surprised if someone believes that I’m an egocentric, egomaniac, who thinks too much of himself. Well, you’re entitled to your opinion, and you have no reason to trust me, but I’d say that I’m none of those. However, I may be exhibiting those traits inadvertently, of course. Anyone I meet these days can pretty much make the following observations above me; I’m mostly quite, unless I know the people well. It takes time for me to warm up to people, and with some I never do. The former is unintentional, while the latter is purely by choice.

I thought long and hard about the issue, as to why I may be perceived negatively, when I’m aiming for exactly the opposite. This is what I I’ve deduce; A) I believe in listening more than I speak. It suits me. It helps me size up the people, with whom I’m conversing. You’d be amazed to see how much people like to talk about themselves, if you let them. Pay a little attention and one can learn everything about their background, their experiences, and above all their personality and how’s it going to either suit or clash with yours. Either way, I know soon enough, and I act accordingly. B) The “Quality” of a friend is far more important to me than their “Quantity”. I’d rather have one “reliable” friend, than ten “unreliable” ones. But, that’s just me. I don’t care about social obligations to entertain people, with whom I have fundamental differences.

Having said that, I’ve met with some very talented, gifted individuals whom I call friends, as well as some, let’s just say neither do I know, nor do I care where they are. I’ve come to believe that “True Friend” is a utopian concept in America, at the least for me. Most friends we make here in US are because of convenience. Why? Because, we are social animals, we crave to be surrounded by people who conform to us or the other way round.

There are some, who’ve lost touch. I don’t blame them; they did what was best for them. All I can say is that we sometimes meet folks that at first seem more appealing than they actually are, in time we lower our guard, our expectations, and we adapt ourselves; in a way we short-change ourselves of the possibilities for the lack of a better alternative.

Life’s too short to waste on folks that mean nothing more than an acquaintance. While, a lifetime is too short in company of a true friend. I hope you’ve been lucky enough to find yours.

For the last several months of 2009 and early months of 2010 several events transpired in our lives which leads me to conclude that for most part, “people are addicted to drama”. Drama is an infectious disease.

Everyone that I’ve come across recently, mostly Indian folks have all been showing signs of this highly infectious disease, festering within them. You lend an ear to their plight, and you’re showing the symptoms too.

I’ve tried long and hard to analyze as to why, we tend to become this way. The simple reason is that from the very moment of our birth, we carry the pathogen within us. It stays dormant for a while, and then something triggers it into action. Before you know it, it’s taken a deep hold on your personality. We’re surrounded by it, we breathe it, in and out, and over time we get acclimatized to it, so much so that it becomes second nature to us all.

There’s drama is everything we do or don’t, in our actions and reactions. Drama is involved in every inter-personal action within the family, with friends and our social interactions. There is drama against people who chose not to be affected by it.

The Symptoms

How many times have you come across any of the following statements?

So and so is doing this…I don’t understand why, so and so is upto this…You know what, so and so said this to so and so….So and so, behaved like this with so and so, in front of so and so…the list goes on and on.

It sounds like gossip, which is basically a  manifestation of the disease. Different people exhibit symptoms to  different levels. People with less to do, are the most infected. For some drama means a lot more than anything else in their lives, much more than self-respect. People depend on it for emotional and psychological comfort, its absence creates a sense of detachment and creates a longing for it, and anyone who offers a reprieve suddenly becomes our friend, and when their demand for drama surpasses our own need, we’re e ready to part ways, and go on to look for another symbiotic host, or become a parasite. I was too infected with this suffocating and debilitating disease. Though, I caught a break eleven years ago, when I got an opportunity to move to US for further studies. As with anyone, there were withdrawal symptoms. In time, I met new people, and hoped that it wouldn’t resurface again. I succeeded, by keeping my distance.

Then something happened, I got married. Suddenly, the drama-infected group became twice as large. I hoped that it would stay away. Unfortunately, with time I found the same symptoms in different folks yet again, the drama lived on.

I’ve worked very hard to rid myself of this infection and for the past seven of the ten years I’ve been successful in keeping it at bay. However, in the past year, people having been trying hard to suck me back deeper into it. I detest it to my core, and I’m willing to do, or to say, what needs to be said, no matter how harsh it may sound or hurt someone, my resolve is not to give in.

Many would argue, as to why I would choose to be this way, a non-conformist. First, I don’t need to give explanation for my actions to anyone. No one is that important or relevant anyway, with the exception of my parents, my wife, and my immediate family. Everyone else is merely an acquaintance with varying degree of access to my life.

Why You Ask?

Because I don’t give a damn, about who’s doing what, and why? or why I’m not involved in it?. I don’t care what people think of me. I don’t believe in pretences and above all I don’t need to be dragged into something that I’ve worked so hard to get out of.

Above all, the drama sucks up all the energy and time we can spend on doing something positive with our lives, or affecting lives of other folks, positively.

The Remedy!

We’ve cut ties with people, who were so severely infected with this disease, that any time spent with them was draining us of our peace. We decided, we’re not going to get into a measuring contest, with anyone. Since, we decided not to participate, no one can make us. Yet, if they continue, it’s only affecting them.

It’s been a few months since, and our lives have never been so much peaceful and productive. We’re happy to be in company of our own thoughts, goals and aspirations. With no time to spend on frivolous social engagements, we’re doing what we want to do best, spend time with each other, and make best use of our time in enriching our personal and professional lives. Our actions may have lead for more drama in someone else’s life, but at the least, it’s not our problem.

I strongly urge you, to spend some time thinking about all the folks and their baggage (read Drama), and it’s impact on your life. If you decide, that it’s dominating your life, cut it off. You’ll be more at peace with yourself and folks around you.

Remember this;

1. This is the only life we’ve got. Screw this one up, there is no undo.
2. We can’t make everyone happy, and we shouldn’t try. You’ll end up being unhappy with your own life.
3. Reason for most ‘screw-up’ in relations is “Expectation”. From someone or for someone…sooner or later, everyone disappoints. A real meaningful relationship, whether it’s between spouses, friends or relatives can only happen in the absence of expectations, otherwise it is destined to fail.
4. Never underestimate the power of stupid people. Stupid decisions are often made in the company of stupid people. Avoid them like a plague!
5. Never take sides, especially if the two sides are equally represented by morons. Sooner or later, the morons will unite, and you will be a pariah.
6. Surround yourself with people from whom you can learn something. If you’re the one teaching them all the time, you’re degrading yourself, move on.
7. There is only 24 hours in a day. The difference between a winner and a loser is only in the utilization of their respective 24 hours. Spend yours wisely, and you’ll be successful as well.

In Response for Mr. Joel Stein’s article in Time.com on June 24th, 2010. You can read it here! (http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1999416,00.html)

I returned home tired, after two days in the sun, having baked my skin in almost 100F temperatures and near perfect (100%) humidity in the Rio Grande Valley, described by its residents as “a slice of good life”. I believe it’s their way of masking their woes living in an oven. I got home late, took a shower, looked at my much darker reflection in the mirror, and then realized that I should be thankful that I have a job to do, an important one at that, though it takes its toll once in a while.

I sat down opened my computer, which I haven’t had the opportunity to use much while in Weslaco, Texas. As usual after checking my email, catching up on all the RSS feeds, I logged in to Facebook, to see what’s the world up to, and found that most of my “Indian” friends were outraged by an article published in Time Magazine, titled “My Own Private India” by Mr. Joel Stein. Some called him racist, some hurled “shame on you time magazine”, and one even accused Mr. Stein of sleeping while the world shrunk around him, in the wave of globalization.

Having aroused my interest, I clicked on the link to find out what the hoopla is all about. As I begin to read, and finished it, this is what I really feel about your insecurities as an American, your deficiencies as a journalist, and your biased view of the world, sitting on your porch in some cave, if it can have one!

From the very beginning, you assert that you are in favor of immigration, and then you immediately contradict yourself by limiting who can immigrate, to where. I guess you haven’t made up your mind yet. It’s ok, that’s what the first impression of Americans is, insecure and indecisive, thanks to people like you, who jump out of the crowd, and become the face of the nation. The real Americans are much better folks than you are. Yes, thanks to the voice on the other end of the phone (no matter how heavy the accent is), some Americans do need to be constantly reminded that, rebooting your computer is the easiest thing to do, and solves a lot of problems.

You reminisce about your crime-filled days of early childhood, vandalizing your town, stealing from very establishments, and how much you miss it now. It’s ok with us, may be you needed to come clean now, it’s a heavy burden to carry, even for a college educated illiterate like you. I feel for your pain, that new generation of Americans are going to lose an opportunity to imbibe crime as a way of life, as more educated, and law-abiding Indians inhabit your town. But don’t they teach all of that on TV these days, or even Internet? I’m pretty sure, American kids can find ways to get their crime fix, if not, heck they’ll join their leaders and invade another country, there’s almost 250 or more left.

What you’re witnessing around you is “change”, and you’re channelizing your anger or your inability to deal with it, projecting on a community of Indians with a racist tone, who are very well doing the same thing as you, living the American Dream. Thankfully, you do accept it and come to terms with it later in your article.

You will never know, what people go through to make it to America. We all don’t have picket fences; live in Beverly Hills 90210, or Wisteria Lane. Our lives are far less glamorous. The realities of everyday life keep us grounded, yet give our dreams wings to fly, to improve ourselves everyday. We study, we learn, we adapt, we improve and then repeat, till we achieve what we’re after. It’s far too much for someone like you to even comprehend. For you, it’s no big deal. You were born here in America, the land of the free and home of the brave. Sure it is, here people have freedom to express their stupidity, and their bravery in antagonizing one of the most affluent and contributing segment of the American immigrant population, Indians.

It is not just our zeal to be in America, it’s a drive to better their lives, for themselves, their children and their family, if they can. Is that any different from any american would do? Now, here’s an alien word for you, Family!. Is it so hard for you to understand, that when you go to a new part of the world, you look for similarities with your own surroundings? A place where you feel comfortable, a place where you can see your children grow up, retaining at least some of the values, which you cherish?

Edison, NJ is one such place, but so are many other places, San Jose, CA, Brooklyn, NY, I can go on an on. It’s actually hard to not find Indians anywhere in America. You want to test it, go to any hospital in America, and look at the list of doctors attached to it, I’m willing to bet there will be an Indian on that list, even in a remote part of the country, where even American doctors don’t want to settle down. There are good chances that next time you need medical help, it will be an Indian doctor saving your life!

People move to a new place, stay close together in a new land, new culture, hoping to assimilate with time. Indians are no exceptions; take people from other origins, Germans, Dutch, French, Spanish they all stay in their own communities, all across America, creating a cosmopolitan environment which makes America what it is. These aliens preserve their culture, their cuisine, and their way of life, in doing so. I’m willing to be that’s what even an American does, when he/she moves to a new country. It’s only natural to stay within the confines of communities that represent a familiarity with back home.

I can’t stress enough about the deficiencies of US’s Immigration policy, it seems it’s still stuck in the mid-1960s. As for the foreign policy, what can I say, there has to be a reason why America is hated all over the world? Let’s just leave that conversation for one of your future articles.

Your image of Indians may have changed over time, from Geniuses to average folks, but that could very well be your myopic viewpoint. Most people associate Indians, with Doctors, Engineers, now IT, but that’s not all we have to offer. There is a reason immigrants are sought after by any and every multi-national corporation who dreams big. Ever care to ponder why? I know you’re thinking cheap labor. We’re not a cheaper alternative; we’re a better alternative, which comes at a cheaper price.

We can’t comment on the lack of creativity in racial insults hurled at us or people from any foreign culture for that matter. However, we don’t go around making disparaging remarks about your God or the Holy Spirit or how human he was in his appearance, unlike ours. We are much civilized than that.

Indian civilization is one of the oldest civilizations in the world. We have written references from thousands of years before Christ even came into the picture. The Vedas, or treatise (and there are four of them) are one of the oldest written scriptures in the world. Even back then, ancient Indians understood the value of nature, and made efforts to preserve what they had. They worshipped nature and the elements that gave, and supported life, including Sun, Wind, Fire and Earth. Thousands of years later, with advent of foreigners, dilution of our culture we ended up with millions of gods, in all shape and forms, one of them is depicted as a monkey (Hanuman), the other as an elephant (Ganesha), while other animals like cows, buffalos, snakes, even rats are associated with gods as well. How creative is that?

As for our cuisine or any cuisine that came to America with immigrants, Italian, Mexican, Indian, Thai, Chinese, Vietnamese, German food around, what would you be eating otherwise? Whether you do or not, don’t assume that other folks share your dislike. We like our food spicy, the same way you like your bland Turkey and gravy, with corn bread.

I’m sure if Statue of Liberty (which BTW, was gifted to America by the French) could, it would cry inconsolably, knowing that it had become a symbol of America, home to people like you, ignoramus perfecti.

Some of us may be overdoing it, but most are masking the smell of blood, sweat and tears behind that cologne, we’ve shed in achieving a better life for us, giving back to the very country that took us in, provided us with an equal opportunity to succeed, against insurmountable odds. One thing for sure, you’ll never see us walking with our pants on the ground.